Thank you, Paige, for shining the light of Southern reason upon the whole ketchup debacle. I have struggled over the past week with the moral imperative to address this issue. Should I or should I not challenge the multi-national corporations, left-wing extremist, Islamic terrorists, cable companies and Al Gore who are obviously in a conspiracy to control the minds of the populace through condiment deprivation.

The issue, for those of you too lazy to read the comments from my previous post, revolves around the refusal of ketchup packagers to make a to-go ketchup pack big enough to appropriately cover the trans-fat flavor of an average order of heart-attack sticks (aka french fries).

I have put several minutes of thought into this, and the choice has become as clear as mud. Will we allow the subversives previously mentioned to control our right to our American- materialistic-individualist-narcissistic existence?

Ketchup lovers unite! If the chicken nugget addicts can get sauce in larger containers, so can we! Write your congressman! Call the joint-chiefs!

I will only be satisfied with a ketchup surge and a congressional hearing on whether or not a military solution can solve such a deeply spiritual problem.

We must act now before our ketchup access is taken from us completely and we are left standing with a small paper cup, pumping an empty dispenser longing for the good old days.

G